Friday Wrapup!

So it’s possible that I’ve pre-written this because, as we speak, I’m either preparing for, or am currently on my way to, the Jersey Shore (insert appropriate Bruce Springsteen song here. Or, just see below). But, I wouldn’t leave you hanging on a Friday, devoted blog readers, so let’s get to it!

***

First, no, we haven’t heard about the apartment yet and it’s all I can do to not pass out from not knowing. It’s true that I’m a tad bit of a control freak, and having zero control over this situation has been a true test for me. But I think I’m getting a solid C+ for effort, which is better than what I usually got in math, and so I’ll take it.

Also, while clutching my phone as I headed towards the bathroom yesterday, I realized something: this whole apartment thing is sort of like dating. 

You really like a guy, you saw him a few times and he said he’d call. But he was also going out of town for a few weeks, and so he promised he’d call when he got back. Cool. No problem. You're breezy!

But when he calls, it’s to tell you that he’s not sure when he’ll be able to hang out again. And then you find that you’re bringing your phone to the bathroom with you just in case he calls, and then you casually check your phone about 1,000 times in the course of an hour because you thought maybe you saw it light up.

However, in my version of this dating story, we totally end up together. Obviously. Also, perhaps this is why I was so bad at dating for such a long time? I'm not good at "casual."

All of this is to say, of course, that we’re still waiting to hear if we got approved. It’s apparently a much longer process than just taking a look at the two of us and deciding that of COURSE you want us to live in your nice building and that we may just be the best tenants to ever grace this board room.

But we expect to hear any day now, guys, so rest assured I’ll keep you all posted (whether you want to know or not).

Also, this conversation happened at work Thursday.

My three co-workers who sit near me as they walked in: “Did you hear about the apartment last night?”
Me: “Ugh, noooo…and it’s torture.”
Co-worker 1: “I was thinking about it and figured for sure you’d come in today with good news!”
Me: “Yeah, me too.”
Co-worker 2: “Well, I’m sure you’ll hear any moment now.”
Me: “I sure hope so…for the sake of all of us.”
Co-worker 3: “I had a dream about it last night….”
Me: “Seriously?”
Co-worker 3: “Yeah, but in my dream you were really disappointed that you didn’t get the apartment, so I wasn’t sure if I should tell you.”
Co-worker 1: “You should not have told her that.”
Me: “The fact that my co-workers are dreaming about this situation means that I may not have boundaries. For example, I don’t know anything that goes on outside of these four walls with any of you three.”
Them, nodding.
Co-worker 2: “But you’re our entertainment, so we appreciate you sharing.”
Me: “Glad to be of service.”

Moving on.

***

So, instead of sharing a review this week from the book blog, I wanted to get YOUR opinion. I have a list this long of things I’ve been writing down to read, but none of them seem to grab me at the moment.

Has anyone read the new David Sedaris or this book?  I’ve heard good things about both, so I want a judge’s ruling on what I should spend my evenings poring through. By which I mean, the last five minutes of my night before I fall asleep with my eye mask half-covering my face and the light still on.

Anyway, let me know!

***

And now, as I teased above, the video of the week. Kind of a gimme, given my weekend plans, but also just a good song. It was tough to find a good video of this one, though, so this is as good as it gets.

I hope you all enjoy your long weekends and I’ll be back at you on TUESDAY next week to hopefully tell you all about the new place we’ll be moving into! (right, universe?) Sorry, I have a one track mind.

Happy Friday!

Pink elephants and apartments.

So, this isn’t a real post because I’m busy using all of my mental power to will the phone to ring so that our (hopefully) new landlord can tell us that we got the apartment. And since mind-power tricks to get phones to ring and the universe to bend to your will takes a lot of energy, obviously I have zero to spend on a post.

Which is really inconvenient since my job also requires brain power, and is being rather demanding at the moment. So, I’ve turned my Pandora to Shuffle – but only on the 80s and Peter Cetera station, obviously – and plan on pretending that I’m not obsessing over “something we don’t have any control over, Becky, so don’t stress.”

Also, guys, don’t think of a pink elephant! 

See? Impossible. That’s how my brain works at all times. My brain is just one big pink elephant.

But Happy Wednesday, nonetheless! Perhaps a Thursday post about our new apartment will be in order………

The things we do for love.

Last night I was putting on my eye mask and inserting my ear plugs when I looked over at CB, who was opening the window and wrapping himself in a quilted blanket, when it hit me: “Wow, we must really love each other.”

Which I know sounds really weird since I was essentially creating, as I do every night, a sensory deprivation chamber on my own head while he was voluntarily freezing himself out – if anything, we sound mildly psychotic. But if you think about it, so much of couplehood is managing your needs with those of your partner, and then picking and choosing your battles. I mean, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

Also, it should be noted here that I may just have no idea what love is.

You see, I was single for a few years prior to dating CB, which obviously means that I was just incredibly choosey and totally beating them off with a stick. Of course, he was single, too, and the other night, he explained why:

CB: “After a while, girls would just sort of get on my nerves and it wasn’t worth it.”
Me: “So you stayed single for so long because people bugged you? You’re, like, the most easy-going guy I know, that doesn’t make any sense.”
CB: “Yeah, but if I’m going to be spending most of my time with someone, they have to not get on my nerves after just a few days.”
Me: “It’s shocking to me that I was your choice. Like, I don’t even mean that in a sarcastic or self-depricating way.”
CB: “Yeah, I was sort of floored, too.”
Me: “I guess that’s why we work.”

Ahhh, love.

But seriously, after thinking about it, I realized that our relationship is sometimes an exercise in compromise and/or sacrifice without ever really feeling like it (to me. And also CB, since I'm going ahead and assuming we're on the same page here.)

• I wear ear plugs every night. And this is as much for CB as it is for me, since prior to this, I would lay awake every single night and contemplate smothering him with a pillow so he’d stop his bear-like snoring. Also, I sometimes wouldn’t let him sleep if I wasn’t sleeping, and so I’d nudge him approximately every 17 seconds to make him turn over or just cut it out already. So, with the earplugs, we both sleep more soundly.
• CB will sleep with the window open and/or the heat off when it’s 50 degrees and below on most given nights because I’m like a radiating hot box that groans, tosses, and complains if it’s mildly warm. Also, he used to get many more head colds because of this decision until realizing that I would sometimes share the comforter and/or he could put more layers on. I know, I’m a monster.
• I cook.
• CB grocery shops.
• I listen to numerous stories about the Mets, random golfers, how terrible the Jets are, and any other stray fun-fact about sports during most of my waking, non-working hours.
• CB watches Bravo shows, even though I think he may have called Cablevision to see if maybe Bravo didn’t have to be included in the basic package. And sometimes the shows involve matchmaking, interior decorating, or gay fashion stylists. Those are just a few of his favorites.
• I try to stay up past 9pm on weekends so we can have “movie night.”
• CB puts a movie in at 6:15pm so I can make it all the way through.
• I clean the bathroom.
• CB pulls the grody stuff out of the drain in the kitchen sink because my skin can’t touch food-water.
• I wake up to a rather grouchy, profanity-laced diatribe about how mornings suck about 3-5 times per week.
• CB attempts to get into bed after I’ve fallen asleep. Also, once in a while we’ll have the “your side of the bed” conversation and I’ve insisted that I stay on mine. (see photo)

  

  This is me sleep-wrestling the comforter. 

• I’ve been commuting from his apartment – one mile away – to mine for a year and a half, every day.
• CB will get into the very corners of the sofa so I can sprawl out and lay on him. “Seriously, when we get a bigger couch, I know that, somehow, you’ll still end up in my corner.” I tell him it keeps our love strong to be that close. He says it could be stronger if I’d go sit on the loveseat. But he still scoots over every day. 

And obviously there are many more. Some that, I’m sure, I’m not even aware of. 

But at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about?

Happy Monday, everyone!

Friday Wrapup!

I can’t even think right now, you guys. I just offered my seat to a pregnant woman on the subway who wasn’t pregnant. So let’s just start the wrapup and pretend like that never happened.

***

So earlier this week, “The Flame” by Cheap Trick came on (obviously) while CB and I were sitting on the couch, and I started to sing along. Once the song ended, I continued to sing the song.

CB: “You know those aren’t the right lyrics, right?”
Me: “What? Those are totally the lyrics.”
CB, laughing: “You’re, like, not even close.”

Then he pulled up the lyrics on his phone.

CB: “Ok, start from the beginning.”
Me, starting to sing.
CB: “Uh…you got about half of those right…keep going.”
Me, getting to the chorus and starting to hum.
CB: “Wait, you can’t just start humming!”
Me: “But I don’t know this part!”
CB: “Do you even know the name of this song? It’s the whole chorus!”
Me: “I may not know it. But you have to give me credit for knowing the tune and singing on key.”
CB: “You get half credit. And you’re a nut.”

***

Speaking of singing along……..

***

This week’s Book of the Week is a tribute to the fact that I can’t run for a while since I’m all healing from trying to break my own ankle and stuff. 

However, as I said in the review, you don’t have to be a runner to appreciate and enjoy this book, especially if you’ve read anything else by Haruki Murakami in the past (“The Wind-up Bird Chronicle,” for one).

So, click here for the review and check out the rest of the blog for good summer reading inspiration!

***

And now, the Video of the Week.

I realize this won’t be everyone’s style, but I can’t stop listening to this song on repeat. The actual video for it, though, is kind of boring, so I decided to feature the live version here, which is also cleaner for all of you delicate listeners out there.

So, go out there and enjoy this gorgeous weather and the fact that it’s the weekend!

Happy Friday, everyone!

Becky's Rules for Life.

I’m totally stealing The Bloggess' Rules for Life idea, and then Lauren Filing-Jointly's theft of that idea. Why? Because this is my blog and I can do what I want. OR, because I’m a little slammed at work AND I really love lists. And telling people what to do.

Also, because obviously I’m someone who should definitely be dolling out life advice, so…..enjoy!   

BECKY'S RULES FOR LIFE

Don’t run in flip flops in the rain. Trust me.

Sometimes go to bed angry. For real. Sometimes you guys just need to SLEEP, wake up, realize that nighttime is not the right time, and everything seems much more dramatic than it is. Just go to bed.

But if you can muster up an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you” before bed? Even better. Or at least, like, do that thing where you sort of reach out to the other person in the dark and touch their arm or something. This will melt even the coldest of hearts. Unless you were seriously dumb, in which case, go to bed, wake up in the morning super-early, and make me chocolate chip pancakes.

Don’t ever wear acid washed anything. Not even ironically. Oh my God.

Listen to your gut. And if you don’t do that, listen to your best friend.

Please don’t say “hot water heater.” Guess what? The fact that it heats water makes it a WATER HEATER. That’s it.

Don’t correct people constantly when they say things like ‘hot water heater,’ even if it makes you want to die. It just makes you look kind of douche-y and makes the other person like you less.

Unless you’re a parent. And then it is your duty to correct your kids when they speak improperly so they don’t turn into adults who I want to correct all the time.

Laugh as often as possible because you should never pass up an opportunity to have a little fun and not take yourself, or life, too seriously. Also, I think it burns calories?

Nobody knows how to fold a fitted sheet. Nobody. Don’t even tell me that you have the secret, because you don’t, and it’s not even important anyway, so let’s just drop it.

Forgive but don’t forget. Also, nobody can really forget anyway, so it’s just better to actually forgive someone so that when you remember what they did you’re all like “Oh, but I forgave them for that, so it’s ok.”

Say please and thank you.

Add flare. Seriously, at least every single day, add one piece of flare to your day, whether it be glitter shoes, pink pants, or even just a slightly more flare-y color to your toenails. Because life is too short to not sparkle a little. Also, clearly this is advice for men and women.

Don’t spend too much time on Facebook, or Pinterest, or Twitter, or blogging. Because guess who the most boring people are? The ones who live their lives online. Go outside. Go live life.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Eat dessert. Because guess what? That’s what treadmills are for. And once in a while there’s nothing better than some empty calories. Plus, you can do that thing that I notice skinny people doing where they inexplicably don’t finish the whole dessert. I know, I don’t understand it either, but apparently it’s a thing.

She clearly needs a
good talking-to.

And finally….Be kind. It sounds ridiculous and cliché, but it’s amazing how far a little kindness can go. And this goes for being kind to yourself as well. The best advice I ever heard about this was from someone so wise that I can’t remember their name. But basically, take a look at yourself as a kid, and remember that you’re still that kid. Treat yourself the way you’d treat that child in the picture (with kid gloves – BOOM – it was just sitting there, you had to know I was going to pick it up).  

But seriously. Just give yourself, and others, a break already.

Thanks to The Bloggess and Lauren Filing-Jointly for the inspiration.

What would you add? 

Wanna vote?

Hey fellow bloggers and dedicated blog readers -

This is the last time I'll be annoying (about this particular subject), but tomorrow is closing time for voting for BlogHer's Voices of the Year. So, if you haven't already, please click the links below, if you're so inclined. And thank you!!!

Also, so many of you have voted already and I'm eternally grateful, thank you!

http://www.blogher.com/they-call-me-rain-man-love-0


http://www.blogher.com/10-valentines-day-romance-tips-i-wont-be-taking-thanks


Be back at you with a fresh blog tomorrow. 

Happy Tuesday!

And then I played in traffic in the rain and lost my ability to make good life choices.

So you know those times in life when you make a series of decisions that lead to a single moment that sort of define where you’re at in life at any given time?  And then when that big moment finally occurs you’re like “What the f was I thinking?” Yeah, that happens to me quite regularly, but this weekend sort of took the 2013 cake thus far.

Oh don’t worry, forthcoming months, there’s plenty of time to top my previous poor choices, and so your horse is still in the race.

Anyway, the day started off something like this: bagel and coffee, followed by approximately 93 minutes of petting my cat while watching a “Golden Girls” marathon on TVLand, followed by very detailed list-making so I could maximize my time spent in public without running into anyone I knew (because I hadn’t showered and wasn’t planning on scheduling that into my day), all leading up to the divine crescendo that involved doing laundry and then immediately putting on a fresh-out-of-the-dryer sweatshirt and watching a terrible romantic comedy on Encore or something. It was going to be glorious and I’d been looking forward to this day all week.

Which, if we’re paying attention, is incredibly depressing.

So it all started off great, especially because the morning was pretty dreary and rainy and overall just a great excuse to stay inside with your cat. However, as the morning gave way to the afternoon, the rain stopped, the sun tried coming out once or twice, and it was time for me to get this party started. And what better way to run around town than to throw on some sparkly flip flops, not bring an umbrella, and generally just throw caution to the wind because you’re just that breezy? That’s right. There are a number of better ways to do all of that. But this isn’t your story, so be quiet.

Anyway, I must admit that I was feeling pretty good. It’s a rare moment that I actually get to spend a whole afternoon just taking care of business, with an evening of pizza and going to bed early in front of me. So when I made the casual and aforementioned breezy decision to try to cross four lanes of traffic against the light in my flip flops as it started to rain, I was feeling tremendous about this day I’d laid out for myself.

However, in a shocking twist of events, life soon taught me that, in effect, I was a pretty poor decision-maker and for that, I must be punished.

So just as I was making my way halfway across the street to the median, my flip flop threatened to fly off, causing me to work overtime to keep it on while also trying not to get hit by an oncoming car, causing my ankle to turn and, I think, come right off of my leg, rendering me motionless for what felt like several seconds as two more cars came barreling towards me.

It was good times.

Luckily, I was able to hobble myself onto the median, grabbing a baby tree with one hand while clutching my throbbing ankle with the other, just letting the pain-tears flow down my face for all of New Jersey to see. And in that moment, I actually half-expected to see a bone or something sticking out of the side of my foot because I was for sure that this was the most pain any human had ever felt without being involved in some sort of hand-to-hand combat mission or something.

Also, sometimes when I’m injured, my brain becomes hyper-dramatic and feels overly sorry for itself before snapping back to reality.

And when I say “reality,” I mean “then deciding that the best cure for a sprain or potential fracture is to ‘walk it off.’” Of course, walking it off meant that I had to actually get some sensation back into my foot first, but after a few minutes, the sensation of pain was very vivid and I was able to walk with only medium-to-a lot of pain.

However, in my defense (which I say to CB a lot and then get corrected that it’s actually not a defense at all), I did consider just calling a cab and having it take me the mile and a half back home. But then I remembered that I’m a warrior (and an idiot) and decided to soldier on and do the Walk of Pain myself. And somehow, using my vast medical knowledge and, again, good decision-making, figured that walking would actually help?

Oh my God I know, you guys.

Cut to:

Two hours later I sent this text message to my parents.

Also, do I have witch feet? Wtf? 

Which prompted a phone call from them on speaker phone, wondering aloud how I’ve made it this far in life without, you know, dying.

Mom: Are you ok?
Me: Yeah, I’m totally fine…it’s just painful if I put any pressure on it. Or sit here.
Dad: It’s possible that you might find yourself on crutches over this.
Me: What? No….
Mom: Yes. It’s possible that it’s broken, so you might want to consider getting an x-ray.
Dad: And at another time in the future, we’ll discuss you running errands in flip flops. And then running while wearing them in the rain. But that’s a conversation for another day.

Anyway, I’m totally fine after an evening of icing, elevation, and overall feeling sorry for myself and my inability to make adult life choices properly. And then a second day spent at CB’s parent’s house where CB went to CVS for a bandage, fed me Advil, and generally got up and down, conservatively, one thousand times each time I needed more ice or I’d decided that the pillow my leg was resting on wasn’t comfortable.

Life with me is a joy.

Happy Monday, everyone! 

Friday Wrapup

The sun is FINALLY out, half of the people haven’t come into work yet, and I thought it was Thursday for the last three days. That can only mean one thing! Let’s get to it.

***

First off, I want some advice. The other day, a friend and I were talking about movies and movie actors, and he mentioned how Matthew McConaughey’s career has taken an unexpected turn up. Like, for years there he was doing some C-level romantic comedies that even I wouldn’t see (which is saying something) – except the “Wedding Planner." That’s just good movie-making.

Movie of the year? 

Anyway, lately, though, he’s been getting some critical acclaim for his roles, and I mentioned that I think it all started with “Magic Mike," which I haven’t seen. Of course, I gleaned this bit of information from a thirty minute interview on NPR that I heard recently, but for all I know, Terry Gross is, like, in love with Matthew and so maybe her perspective is skewed?  

But since I’ve never been one to need logic or reason to make a sound argument, I decided to take this to CB.

Last night:

CB, looking at the clock: “You think we have time to rent a movie tonight?”
Me (excitedly, since my mind power was working on him): “Yes! And I have a movie idea! But I want you to have an open mind about it, ok?”
CB: “Oh God, I can only imagine.”
Me: “No, seriously, just hear me out. I’ve actually heard that it’s a pretty good movie.”
CB: “I’m really not going to like this, am I?”
Me: “No, I think maybe we’ll both be pleasantly surprised!”
CB: “Ok, what movie?”
Me: “Magic Mike.”

Silence.

Me: “It’s the stripper movie with Matthew McConaughey.”
CB: “I know what it is.”
Me: “So what do you think?”
CB: “I think you’re crazy.”
Me: “But besides that.”
CB: “You’re a piece of work.”
Me: “Is that a yes?”

But then Cablevision decided to hate me and not have it available OnDemand, much to CB’s dismay, and so I've yet to see Matthew in all of his glory (maybe literally? Sorry, CB.)

So who’s seen it? Is it good? Will CB never let me choose movies again?

***

Moving on. 

If movies aren't your thing, head on over to the book blog and check out the Book of the Week. I read this book (after reading the review on the blog) and was not disappointed. And, like my mom, found myself interested to read even more of Mary Karr's work. So, check it out by clicking here. And enjoy! 

***

Speaking of mom’s, I’m going to do you all a solid and remind you that Sunday is Mother’s Day. And while my mom’s gift is already on its way, this video made me laugh because I’ve been known to go the mug route once or twice. And also, please don’t buy your mom a rock. Or a box of spatulas.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mom’s out there, especially mine. Because she’s the best. Obviously.

***

And now, the Video of the Week.

Just this morning, the finishing touches are being put on One World Trade Center, making it the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere. So almost 12 years after 9-11, we finally have a nearly completed tower in lower Manhattan.

And while I know that there are mixed feelings about the building, the design, or whatever else we New Yorkers want to complain about, I, for one, am happy to see it standing tall now. So, I decided to throw a little love to New York today, while also remedying the fact that I haven’t had nearly enough Hova on here. Win/win.

Enjoy!

Happy Friday, everyone! Now go show some love to your mothers this weekend! 

And then I used Pinterest to fuel my crazy.

This isn’t a real post because work has decided to take over my life. So this is more just thinking out loud, which will likely give you a glimpse into why you should feel better about yourself because you’re not me.

Ok, so we all know that I’m not someone for which “life in moderation” is really a motto, right?  

Example: last night, before CB got home, I ate so much peanut butter on a spoon that I couldn’t finish my dinner because my stomach was full of delicious, crunchy peanuts.

Me, holding stomach: “Why do I do this to myself?”
CB: “Eat peanut butter out of the jar?”
Me: “No, that’s normal. But why do I not know when to stop?”
CB: “I don’t know, but it seems to be a trend.”

Which prompted me to remember to tell him that I’d already mentally decorated the apartment we haven’t gotten yet, complete with twinkle lights for the balcony at Christmas and the “perfect place” for the jack-o-lantern at Halloween.

Luckily, he’s not new here, and so he humored me.

I mean, I’m not sure how normal adult brains work, but mine tends to acknowledge rational thought and then throw that right off to the side so I can get on with obsessively, excessively thinking about things I have little to no control over. Like, we won’t know if we have this apartment, officially, for a few more weeks. But since things currently look moderately to decently good in our favor, I’ve decided that I should start picking out paint samples for the bedroom and figuring out which new scratching post would fit best in the corner for Oliver.

And then I remembered that huge trend back in the 90s or early 2000’s when Oprah was all obsessed with “The Secret” and all you had to do was make a Dream Board and everything you’ve ever wanted in life would come true.

I'm just guessing here, but
I'm pretty sure CB wants
a chandelier AND flowers
in our bathroom. So I'll just go
ahead and pin that. 

Or, at least that’s what I took away from it. Until, of course, Ryan Gosling totally didn’t show up at my apartment with two tickets to Turks and Caicos (where our new winter getaway was located), and then I threw that Dream Board right into the trash.

Stupid Dream Board.

Anyway, this lead me to spending my entire walk to work weighing the pros and cons of whether or not realizing us in the new apartment would totally will it into truth, or whether it would jinx us right out of it. And I decided that jinx is dumb and Dream Boards are where it’s at and so I’ll be creating a new Pinterest Board tonight solely for our new apartment. Which I think is a completely logical reaction to maybe or maybe not getting an apartment.  

Amiright?

Happy Wednesday! 

And then all of my dreams came true. Except there weren't Oompa-Loompas.

You know those moments in life when everything comes together in just the right way to create an opportunity for perfection, no matter how fleeting? That was my Saturday night. And by “opportunity for perfection” I mean “I finally experienced a New Jersey Venetian Hour.” And it was heavenly.

Dear Past Becky,
You're welcome for the awesome life.
Love, Future Becky

You see, two of our dear friends got married over the weekend, and while I was told that I had no idea what I was in for, I didn’t know it meant that my dessert would be lit on fire and I’d get cotton candy stuck in my hair.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s back up. You see, the ceremony itself was beautiful and pretty much along the lines of what we’ve all come to know and love about weddings: A gorgeous bride, a glowing groom, some laughter, tears, bing-bang-boom, you’re married.

So when we drove up to the reception venue, I figured I’d be in for some dancing, an open bar, and a lot of laughs with good friends. However, what I wasn’t expecting was a vodka luge next to the caviar station, which I only came across because I got lost on my way back from the pasta bar and the sushi lounge.

And that was just the cocktail hour!

But since I didn’t have my spanx on, I decided I was all in. I mean, I’m pretty sure the purpose of spanx is to suck you in and shame you out of eating your weight in eggplant rollatini and Mongolian beef, which is precisely why they were left at home. That’ll teach ‘em.

Also, for most people the “cocktail hour” was their wedding reception. Hell, that cocktail hour will be nicer than my entire wedding, let’s get real.

But there will definitely be a vodka luge. I mean, that’s just good planning.

Anyway, as we made our way out of the cocktail hour and into the next room for the main event, my friend Li turned to me and said “You have no idea what you’re about to experience. Get ready. You’ll be blogging about this for a week.”

And she was correct.

Because the next several hours of my life became a blur of delicious food, sparkling chandeliers, and a semi-choreographed, impromptu dance between Li and me to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” Obviously.

However, just when I thought I’d hit my maximum impressed-slash-overwhelmed capacity, the wall of mirrors opened up to expose a second room filled with EVERY PIECE OF CANDY AND DESSERT ITEM KNOWN TO MAN.

And it was phenomenal.

Now, I must admit that the following ten minutes or so were a little blurry because it was like my dreams had finally come true, and when you’re in that moment of realization, you sort of freak out and your mind shuts itself down so as not to overheat. But I did get a little nervous for a minute there because I thought maybe I’d died and was experiencing the truth that heaven is totally filled with Ring Dings and Reeces pieces.

Thankfully, my friend J was with me, experiencing the exact same level of appropriate euphoria as we went from table to table, filling our plates with mini hostess cupcakes, cheesecake, and marshmallows dipped in chocolate.

And then it happened.

J: Oh my God, there's a cotton candy machine.
Me: No.
J: Yes.
Me: I can now die happy. Let's hit it!

Life became complete.

However, as we made our way back to the table to become the gluttonous sugar monsters formerly known as Becky and J, I arrived back at the table to three plates of nearly every treat from the room laid out in front of me.

Me: What’s this?
CB: I figured you’d want to try everything and knew you got side-tracked by the cotton candy.
Me: Wait…this is all for me?
CB: Yep.
Me: Seriously?
CB: Yeah.
Me: I love you more than I’ve ever loved you.
CB, smiling.
Me: But I can’t eat all of this!
CB, looking at me sideways.
Me: Good point. I’m a warrior. I can do this.

And then I did.

In my defense, I totally didn’t finish anything on my plate (more or less) AND shared with my friend D, so really, it’s like I barely ate anything (in my mind).

All in all, it was a pretty spectacular night. I mean, besides the fact that I experienced all of my dreams coming true at once, I got to celebrate an incredible couple with terrific friends. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about at the end of the day?

Well, that, and a giant cannoli stuffed
with mini cannolis. 

 Happy Monday, everyone! (Congratulations Missy and Tommy!)

Friday Wrapup

I'm standing upright (for the most part) and the sun is shining - are we ready for the weekend? Let's get to it.

First of all, thanks for all of your comments yesterday. I'm definitely feeling better even though I'm still moving kind of delicately and sometimes forget that my back is mad at me and drop to my knees. But overall, it's going much better, guys - thanks!

***
So yesterday, CB and I officially started our apartment search because he realizes that waking up to the beauty that is me each day is something he wants to lock in. Obviously. And it went really well!

Except for when I accidentally started talking to a stranger, thinking she was maybe the person showing us the apartment? She was not. However, she was lovely and friendly and said that she started walking towards me and talking because I seemed to know her. Likely because I was sort of casually walking towards her and creepily smiling and asking if she was going to show us her apartment.

Uh, I'm lucky I wasn't arrested for stalking.

But the most important part of this story is that when I turned around to get some backup from CB when I realized the error of my ways, he was, like, 50 feet from me, turned the other way, and pretending that he wasn't with me.

Me, walking over to him: "That wasn't the realtor."
CB, not looking at me: "Yeah, no kidding."
Me: "Also, don't think I didn't notice that you totally distanced yourself from me like we weren't together!"
CB, laughing: "I definitely did. Sorry. I had to let you go down alone."
Me: "I could sense it. The moment you realized she wasn't the realtor you were like 'I'm out!'"
CB: "It's true. I'm sorry, but you can't go up to everyone who walks in!"
Me: "I'm meeting people!"
CB: "Please. Please don't meet anymore people, ok? Please just talk to people who talk to us. Deal?"
Me: "Yeah, that's fair. Deal."

Cut to: an hour later we were back at his place talking about the apartment we just saw and all the money we'd save.

CB: "We're moving on up!"
Me: "Just like the Jeffersons!" 

And then we high fived.

Adults do that, right?

Moving on.

***

Check out this week's Book of the Week by clicking here. I'm adding this book to my ever-growing "must read" list, and if you're looking for the next good read yourself, check out the book blog archives - you might just find something you like!

***

This weekend, we will be celebrating the union of two dear friends and tearing it up old school style. Or, I still won't be able to move my torso with ease and I'll just be super refined and lady-like, sipping wine and chatting with friends.

Oh my God, no, that won't happen. So don't worry, there will be plenty of blog material on Monday! But in honor of tearing it up old school style and the fact that we lost the Kriss in our Kross this week, the Video of the Week shall now pay tribute to an anthem from my youth.

So enjoy your Friday, have a FABULOUS weekend, and be careful when blow drying your hair!

On how blow drying your hair can be super-dangerous.

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, guys, but I was rendered unable to move or think rationally for several hours after what seems to be a pinched nerve in my back took over my body.

Basically, I was blow drying my hair when I literally dropped the brush and dryer and fell to the ground yelling "Owwwwwwwwww!" super loud and to no avail. Also, note to self, house cats are entirely useless when it comes to, like, calling for help or lifting you safely into your bed. Lassie would've killed it, and so in the Collies vs Tabby Cat battle, collies shall receive one point for this round.

Anyway, after repeatedly saying "ow" and trying to move at all didn't work, CB swept in all Superman-like and brought bagels, coffee, and heating packs and saved my life. Or at least preempted the caffeine headache I would've surely suffered otherwise, which is basically the same thing.

Moral of the story: I'm getting super-old, you guys. And possibly carry stress in my back? Either way, my Sherpa duties have been retired for the time being until I can sit or lay or stand without contorting into a position only Cirque de Sole-types could understand.

However, I'll be back tomorrow for the wrapup, so stop by then. Happy Thursday!

And then I yelled at a total stranger and he threw my own shoe at me.

I was going to fake post today and make you read something from the archives since I’m being eaten alive by meetings this morning. However, I decided instead to share with you this quick story from my morning commute.

So every weekday of my life is spent in a false race to the top during my commute to work, along with every single commuter in the tri-state area playing the same game on the subway. We all know that the mere fact that we’re taking the subway means that we have not, in fact, won at life.

Regardless, there’s a hierarchy to subway riding that becomes quite clear:

Top: You got a seat
Middle-top: You’re standing, but have your own hand-rail to hold all to yourself
Middle-lower: You’re standing and have to share your hand-rail with at least one other person
Bottom: You are standing, don’t have a hand-rail because it’s too crowded, and you’re using the balance of those around you to keep from falling over when the train is moving

However, there’s one level of the hierarchy that doesn’t always come into play, yet I experienced the dichotomy first-hand this morning.

You have your own seat: Top. Also, you’re unknowingly stepping in dried, sticky coffee on the floor: Bottom.

Cut to:

Eight minutes later I’m heading off of the train and one of my shoes decides it likes the ride and wants to stay on, submerged in the sticky goodness of the dried coffee. However, I’m several steps ahead of it, slow-motion figuring out that I’m one man down in the shoe department, and so I turn and yell “My shoe!!!!!!!!!!!!” at three total strangers, completely giving my power over to them in a moment of despair and realization that I may actually be getting a foot infection from the New York City air while I balance on one leg.

Luckily, Quick Draw McGraw was on the train, bent over, and tossed the black flat at my torso as the train doors were closing, rendering him my Hero of the Day and giving everyone on the platform and the train a good chuckle on a rainy Monday morning.

You’re welcome, New York. I’m here to serve.

Happy Monday, everyone! 

Friday Wrapup!

The sun is finally shining, I think it may stop snowing at some point in the Midwest, and it looks like everyone has taken their summer Friday’s a bit earlier than normal. It’s that time! Let’s get to it.

***

I don’t know how many of you are big NFL fans, or live in the same house with one, but for those of you who didn’t know, last night was the annual NFL draft.

Yeah, I didn’t know that was a thing, either.

But I wish I could retain information about any one thing as much as CB does for, specifically, football and baseball. He spews out stats and fun facts like I do when talking about chick flicks starring Meg Ryan and Julia Roberst.

Oh wait, I just got it. The NFL and MLB are his Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts….he’s going to be so happy that I was able to turn this around and make a rom-com reference.

Also, if there was as much cursing in
rom-coms as there was in CB’s apartment
last night, the FCC would have their hands full.

***

This is one of the many reasons why I love New York City.

***

For this week’s Book of the Week, I’ve chosen a book that got such a good write-up on the blog that I’ve added it to my list of spring reading! Especially when I read “While the prose in the first half of the book is beautiful, lyrical and eerily hypnotic, the second half will jolt you out of your trance with a much grittier and more disturbing tone.” Um, sign me up! As CB knows, “grittier and more disturbing” is right up my alley!

So, if you’d like to check it out for yourself, please click here.

***

Also, I want to thank those of you who have voted so far on BlogHer. I’m not even including links here, because this really is just to say thank you. I appreciate all of the support and I wouldn’t be writing this blog without you!

***

And now, the Video of the Week.

This came to me earlier in the week when I was reflecting back on my weekend and, specifically, our trip down to Atlantic City for our friend’s bachelorette party. We got stuck in traffic and ended up hearing this song, conservatively, one billion times.

But I’ve taken a week’s hiatus from it and am ready to let it invade my ears again. Plus, JT can rock a leather suit. Truth. 

So…..enjoy! And have a great weekend, everyone, go out there and feel the sunshine!

And then I went completely insane.

So, I’ve recently realized that I may have the propensity to be slightly insane. Like, I’m starting to notice that I have some “habits” that don’t really lend themselves super-well to logic and reason, but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever let those two things stop me. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more concerned with being one of those super-rigid old people who only likes a certain kind of raisin bran and will refuse to wear anything but those aggressively padded sneakers that they don’t sell in regular stores.

However, after a conversation with CB last night, I realized I may already be there:

Me: “Wait, they’re making an Iron Man 3?”
CB: “Apparently.”
Me: “Ugh.”

Silence.

Me: “Did you see any of them?”
CB: “I think I saw the first one, yeah.”
Me: “And did you like it?”
CB: “Yeah, it was pretty good.”
Me: “Oh my God, I hated that movie.”
CB: “Well, that’s because you don’t like fiction.”
Me: “Um, I love fiction. I just don’t like unrealistic fiction. Or comic book movies.”
CB: “Right, you only like the super realistic fiction. Like When Harry Met Sally.”
Me: “I can sense your sarcasm. However, When Harry Met Sally is very realistic.”

CB, unresponsive because he’s too busy rolling his eyes.

Me: “Also, for the record, we are the living reincarnation of When Harry Met Sally.”
CB: “Excuse me?”
Me: “We are! It’s like they wrote that movie from the future about us.”
CB: “You’ve completely lost your mind.”

Whatever, in my mind, I won that argument and that’s all that matters.

But not liking comic book movies – or cartoons….or movies that seem like they’re either a comic book movie or a cartoon – is totally normal.  What might not be as normal is the realization this morning that I was totally thrown off by having to walk up the stairs on a different side than I normally do while ascending from the subway.

Um, am I the real life Rain Man, just with limited toothpick-counting abilities and no interest in watching Wheel of Fortune?

Because when I started to run down the very incomplete list of things that seem normal to me but, when said out loud are completely f’ing insane, I got a little nervous that perhaps I needed to reel it in.

But I’ll let you guys be the judge.

1. Before going to sleep, I have to go through the list of all of my family members and our former and current pets. Is this weird? It’s like roll call Waltons-style in my head before going to sleep. Maybe this could be considered a mental exercise to keep me sharp? Except I’m not sure how sharp you have to be to remember the name of your poodle from childhood, but whatever. I’m on it. 
2. I will only brush my teeth with hot water. Why? Because I assume that hot water kills more of the bacteria than cold water. Though, when I mentioned this to CB one morning, he pointed out that, unless I was brushing my teeth with boiling water, my logic was flawed. I disagreed with him in my mind and continued to brush with authority.
3. I must sing happy birthday (to myself, because out loud would be crazy) while washing my hands. Again, in my defense, this is just good hygiene and something they teach you in grade school so you don’t have pee hands when you’re touching the glue sticks.
4. I have to bread and butter around light poles. Um, what? I know. But please tell me you guys know what this is? Because I don’t remember who taught this to me or when I started doing it.  All I know is that I’ve done it for quite some time now and I consider it bad luck if I walk on the “wrong” side of the light pole, mailbox, etc. So, in order to erase that, I say “bread and butter” and all is right with the world. Also, if none of you knows what I’m talking about, then….yeah, I totally don’t do that bread and butter thing either. Weird.
5. I don’t believe in jinx. Ok, this is less “you’re crazy” and more “that game is stupid.” But I just had to put it out there because it drives my friends insane when they try to play jinx with me and I’m like “shockingly, you telling me that I now cannot speak because we just said the same word at the same time does not, in fact, render me unable to speak.” And then they glare at me and wonder why we’re friends and I go about my day feeling superior over people who play jinx.

Like I said, a very incomplete list, since I’m pretty sure my friends and family who are reading this have already come up with seven other things that I do to make me crazier than what is listed above. However, I threw out a sampling for my valued and loyal readers because I’m depending on you guys to make me feel sane.

Which I now realize may be a futile attempt since, from what I can tell, a lot of you are as crazy as I am. But it’s why we work, so let’s roll with it.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Blog Note: Tomorrow I will be a Featured Blogger on BlogHer in their “Money” section. You know, because when you’re looking for financial advice, I’m the gal you come to! Or, because they thought my blog was funny and enjoyed my post about getting all of my money stolen. Either way, thank you to BlogHer for being such a big supporter of this blog. And thanks to all of you who have voted so far for my blog to be one of the “Voices of the Year.”

And if you’re interested in voting (and are a member of BlogHer), feel free to click here! And here! And here. 

On how I became xenophobic by accident.

So this morning I had to go get blood work done, which I’m sure was a genius move on my part in light of the fact that I went to a bachelorette party this weekend and so my blood was having a love/hate relationship with anything that wasn’t 100 proof vodka yesterday. But whatever.

Anyway, I do this every year as part of my Let’s Keep Becky Alive and Healthy program, and so it’s pretty cut and dry. Fast for 12 hours, check in, obsessively think of everything you’re going to eat when you get out of here, and then sit for an hour and a half longer than anticipated because they never schedule these things accurately.

So when I was feeling a little light-headed walking into the lab, I knew that it was that common feeling I get if I haven’t hydrated or fed myself for approximately 3 hours. Also, I didn’t take my allergy medicine this morning because I was nervous it’d have weird side effects if I hadn’t eaten anything, and so my head was also foggy from all of the pollen floating through the air trying to kill my sense of joy.

Basically, I was sort of killing it this morning with how on top of my game I was.

But when I sat down and was making light-hearted banter with the lab tech, I got a little worried as I started to see two of her. And then this is what I remember happening:

Me: There’s not two of you, right?
Tech: Excuse me?
Me: You’re not, like, a twin?
Tech: A twin?
Me: I see two of you.
Tech: Are you feeling alright?
Me: I was until there were two of you! And now I’m feeling sort of panicky.
Tech: Just relax and breathe and don’t look at the needle.
Me: Um, the needle is not my issue. I’m totally fine with needles.

And then I glanced down at the needle and the next thing I know, I’m being propped up by two lab techs speaking in Spanish.

Now, for those of you who have never passed out, a few things to note: 1, it’s a disorienting feeling because, well, all of the oxygen rushed out of your brain and so it takes a minute to remember how to, you know, be a person. And 2, when people are speaking another language as you come to, you, for a split second, wonder if you’ve had a stroke and no longer understand English.

Also, in light of this, you might come across as slightly xenophobic.

Me: Are you speaking English? Can you please start speaking English?! I don’t understand anything but English!

…said the crazy lady who hates all romance languages.

Tech, in English: Rebekah, are you feeling ok? You started to pass out there for a minute.
Me: I think so….and thank you for speaking English. I got scared that I had a stroke.
Tech, laughing: No, you definitely didn’t have a stroke, you just started to fall off the stool, but by the time we caught you, you were coming to.
Me: So I only half passed out? That’s actually impressive on my part.
Tech, unsure how to respond: Would you like to reschedule your appointment?
Me: Are you kidding? I can’t fast twice! Let’s get this show on the road so I can eat some cookies and drink apple juice.
Tech: Actually, we don’t have that here today, unfortunately.
Me: If I pass out again do you think you can score some?
Tech: I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t really work that way.

Happy Monday, everyone! 

Friday Wrapup

It’s been a long week everyone…..TGIF! 

Let’s get to it.

***

First off, thanks to everyone who has voted so far over on BlogHer. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, first click on over here for why my parents and CB are the best around. Then, Click here! And here! And here.  And thanks! 

***

So, I got this from a friend the other day and absolutely loved it. And while I’m sure my hormonal imbalances, which make CB love me more with every passing day, had absolutely everything to do with the fact that it made me teary, it’s still worth the five minutes to watch. 

It’s been making its way around social media and the news, so you may have already caught it. But I think this is an important lesson for women AND men. So...enjoy! 

***

Obviously, we’re all well aware of the tragedy in Boston this week, but it’s been comforting to see people coming together and helping each other out. Also, it’s good to have a laugh now and again, so click here for the perfect combination of humor and compassion. Best. 

***

As I promised in last week's wrapup, the book review is ready, so check it out here. 

***

Um, you literally have no soul if you don’t smile while watching this. I mean, c’mon people! It’s a chow puppy in a bowl! AND HE CAN'T GET OUT! 

***

And now for the Video of the week. Kind of goes without saying. 

So, I’ll be back atcha’ on Monday – have a great weekend, everyone - stay safe and live it up!

Happy Friday, everyone! 

Not a real post. But I do love democracy in action!

So do you guys remember when this blog got nominated for one of the Top 25 Humor Blogs over on SkinnyScoop? Well, during that time, CB was super-excited that, by mere romantic association with me, he was slightly obligated to get on board and vote.

And then this happened:

Email from CB: 

I voted for you… but let it be known that in order to vote for you (because I’m not on Facebook) I had to register with SkinnyScoop and now I am officially a member of a group that sent me a welcome email advertising beauty essentials, parenting products and the things ladies love the most right now. I believe my man card was just revoked.

Me: 

That’s awesome! If I’d known that I totally wouldn’t have asked you to do it (but I’m sort of glad I did). Thank you!

CB: 

It opens with “a list of women who inspire me”… from Maya Angelou to Beyonce… from Margaret Thatcher to Madeleine Albright…

I’m a member of a group who probably wouldn’t have me as a member. I can’t wait to get my first email from Oprah and an invitation to be on The View.

Well, it’s happened again. Except this time, I unintentionally roped my parents into it, too! 

So remember last week how I told you guys that a few of my posts are up on BlogHer for the “Voices of the Year” contest? Well, I was intending for other fellow bloggers who stop by here regularly to vote if they felt moved to do so. But apparently, my parents took this as a directive to work the system and rack up a few extra votes. 

Mom: “Oh, by the way, your father and I voted for your blog on BlogHer.”
Me: “Wait, you did?”
Mom: “Yeah, but it took me a while to figure out how to register. Your father got it before I did.”
Me: “Mom, I didn’t mean for you guys to vote!”
Mom: “What do you mean? You asked people to vote!”
Me, laughing: “I appreciate it, but I meant for other bloggers to go over and vote if they wanted.You guys aren’t bloggers!”
Mom: “Well, we joined SkinnyScoop so we could vote for you. By the way, I get emails from them all the time.”
Me: “You know you can take yourself off of that list, right? Although I think CB still gets those emails, too.”
Me, to CB: “Are you still on the SkinnyScoop email list?”
CB: “That’s where I got the spring cleaning tips that I printed out. But then I took myself off the list right after that.”
Me, laughing: “The things you guys will do for my blog...”
Mom: “Well, we wanted to make sure we voted. And your father and I will stay on there until the voting is completed in May. We want our votes to count!”
CB: “I’m not joining BlogHer to vote for your blog, sorry. Joining SkinnyScoop nearly got me kicked out of the Man Club as it was.”
Me: “It’s ok, I know you still love me.”
CB: “Apparently.”

So, if you're not my parents or CB and you DO want to vote (and are on BlogHer), please....

Click here! And here! And here. 

Sorry guys, this is a fake post today because my brain isn't working quite yet. But, since I posted yesterday, hopefully you'll all give me a pass and I'll make it up to you on Friday with the wrapup!